saya cuma penasaran.
saya cuma penasaran.
Dia tau, jika meneruskan itu semua, dia akan mengalami rasa sakit yang berkepanjangan. Namun, dia terlalu berharap. Terlalu sayang pada apa yang sebelumnya dia perjuangkan.
“Benar, kan”. Sebuah ucapan yang amat dia benci. Bukan karena tidak terima. Dia benci karena kalimat tersebut sangat benar tentang dirinya.
Semua yang mengenalnya dengan baik pasti tau kalau dia selalu tergesa dalam mengambil keputusan. Pembelaannya: sifat impulsif itu sangat menyenangkan. Apalagi kalau dibumbui dengan alasan tentang kehidupan yang hanya terjadi sekali.
Tidak, jika itu melibatkan perasaan. Terlalu tergesa menafsirkan perasaan seseorang. Atau terlalu tergesa memberikan perasaan yang utuh pada seseorang yang bahkan belum tau apa sirup ekstra kesukaannya di setiap kopi yang dipesan.
“Jalani saja hidup yang sebelumnya”, tepisnya. Berusaha terlihat kuat, padahal jauh di dalam hatinya dia meringis. Menyesali kebodohannya. Berharap waktu bisa terulang dan mencabut semua kesalahan tafsirnya, menghentikan ketergesaannya.
Benar-benar waktu yang terbuang percuma.
I daydream a lot.
I like to fantasize anything I could think of. When I was a kid, I don’t have much friends. They said “You are boring!”. At home, meh, not so different. My older siblings didn’t hang with me a lot as well, because they think I was annoying. So, yeah… it was just me, myself, and my fantasy.
Oddly, I never have an imaginary friend at all. Later did I know, it was because I was too afraid that it will get bored, then leave me too.
But! It was all good because I have my imagination. I felt like I don’t need any of them. Even in my darkest times, I could imagine that I have this magic door hiding behind my closet that could take me to the dream world.
There, I’m a little rock star! Everyone will hail me every time I passed in front of them. I have this cool castle that has everything in my mind. Basically, it is heaven.
Years passed, I’m getting older and realize the real harsh world. Every time I was feeling down, I tried to enter that dream world, but I couldn’t. I was no longer fit in there, even the door was too small.
From there, I was searching for another escape. However, what a weird teenage could do? Not much. Therefore, I cry… and I do that until now, what so called an adulthood.
I cry not because I’m a mushy person.
Honestly, I like to describe myself as a strong person who can conceal her emotion and loves to be witty. I cry to be relieved. I cry to let things go. I cry because I can’t help it.
Oh, please don’t ask me why, because I’m still trying to figure it out.
Don’t blame the genre. I successfully watched Darkest Hour and Dunkirk till the end (and mesmerized till the next 3 days).
I fall asleep in cinema while I was watching movies that full of grunts, scolds, gunshots, explosions, and kissing sounds (?) mwah, smack, xxx, chup, schmatz, mats-muts, chu. For reference, I missed a few scenes in Thor Ragnarok, Avengers: Infinity Wars (twice), Ant Man, Fight Club (I’m so fvking curious but never make it till the end), Minions, and the last, Deadpool 2.
At first, I thought it is because the timing, but no. As I remember I even fall asleep at the cinema in the afternoon, 14.15 to be exact.
Is it just me or? Is that normal. (Please tell me it is). Do you ever fall asleep at the cinema too?
An old Chinese legend says: soulmates are tied together by an invisible red cord; a string of destiny, fate, kismet.
What concerns me is how sharp life can be and how fragile strings are.
But I choose to believe that somewhere under this sun is someone mirrored in my soul. Someone unknowingly sharing the same lonely moons. Someone with a love struggling to stay afloat in this ocean of fading hope and floating mirages on the horizon.
Someone tied to the other end of this dusty string.
So wherever you are, darling, smile and stay strong,
because we are on our way.
(I found this somewhere on the internet and couldn’t tell the original author)
On certain period when I wish I never been born at all, but too coward to cut myself, I usually talk to my inner self. I will have a very interesting deep conversation inside my head until late night. It is the reason that made me having trouble sleeping for 2-3 days every month, which leads me to take a flu medicine just to have 3 hrs+ sleep.
I myself couldn’t tell why there is always something left behind even after I burst out what’s on my mind to anyone.
You may see me laugh a lot, doing some shits and then laughing tears, but still I feel something dead inside. It is more stressing because I even don’t know what it is.
So… lately I like to read Quora about weird questions (mostly from my wild thoughts), and surprisingly they always have the answers! Even if I didn’t get something that I want, it always lead me to something more interesting.
Why I feel less lonely when I read Quora?
I guess it is because I am knowing that there is someone else beyond the sea. I am not that alone. I am not the one with the most miserable life. I found someone or two who had the exact thought that I had.
One thing that I really love about Quora. It somehow restore my faith in humanity.
Here is the thing, Quora is a place full of strangers and they help each other, some even give a super honest support without knowing who they talked to in person. It is just too sweet.
I want to share some of them, hope they cheer you up as well.